In A Nutshell

I wanted to travel and see the world. I wanted to enjoy my new found freedom. I thought my new life with Mr. Right was my great escape from the Big Bad Wolf. I was one of three little piggies and I thought I had made it to the market. Two months and a magic stick later I saw two clear lines. These lines meant it was my turn to be big and bad, but a wolf? I couldn’t believe it. I haven’t been around the world yet. I was not ready. I had wanted to stay cute and pink and say “oink” a while longer. Things were about to change and I had only 9 months to prepare!

We were all packed and ready to go!

I may not have hopped from one country to another, but the last 13 years have been quite a ride. I have learned so many things. One of the skills I have mastered is how to morph into a sweet and gentle mommy-piggy (the 50 lbs I had put on did not make it all that difficult). You were the sweetest, the cutest and pinkest little piggy ever born and I wanted you to have a childhood worth relishing and remembering. When the time came, I knew I didn’t want you to run away to the market and never come home.

Her first oink!

Her first oink!

I understand that you are a typical teenager, with a mind of your own, so eager to express your “oink” and discover the world in your own terms. I understand that as you get older I am no longer your super hero, the epitome of perfection I used to be because you’ve realised that I am flawed, imperfect and after all, a big bad wolf in hiding. I understand if you find yourself thinking that you might know more (and better) about everything else and that my knowledge of the world seems pretty outdated. I understand too if you feel unappreciated and unloved at times. I understand all these, all because I have been once like you.

How I wish there is a fail-proof way to teach you good habits without having to lose my patience. How I wish I didn’t have to keep repeating myself over and over (and over, and over, and over…. with growl-like undertones) that you should be on time, to put your dishes in the sink, brush your teeth, wash your face, take a bath…. Every once in a while you and I find ourselves in a bind. You test my limits until I lose all control, failing miserably, revealing the wolf-like side of me that I’ve successfully hid from the rest of the world until that moment. In the middle of my explosion, it all seems irreparable, as if our relationship has been doomed forever all because you forgot to switch off the bathroom light.

The toddler years

How I wish there was an easier way to teach you proper moral values without having to deliberately deprive you of some privileges just to make you understand how much more we value what we have if we’ve worked hard enough to earn it. A fancy laptop, a flashy car or a fat wallet are not the only things that will determine your place in the world. Your foundations in life are the moral principles that you grew up with, and that will ultimately decide your success or failure. Having said that, I have made a few conscious decisions (a big bad wolf reveal): You will own a MacBook if, and only if, you have saved up for it. In the meantime, any non-Mac (but its equivalent in function) is all I will provide for you. We will continue to drive our rickety car that never fails to surprise us with SEF or Sudden Engine Failure in the middle of the highway. We will continue to live frugally but comfortably in our home made of straws just so we don’t get into the habit of losing each other in a house that is bigger than what we already have. We will continue to make modest choices in the hopes that in time you will realise that a family that is whole and the security of a loving home are worth far much more than what others will ever own in their lifetime.

How I wish life can be all pure fun, without a hint of responsibility so you can indulge in the simplicity of your young life. How I wish I could just shield you from the reality of the rest of the world ahead of you so you can stay cute and pink, forever squealing “oink” in delight. The bitter truth remains that life is not all play and fun. The world out there can be harsh, hurtful, unforgiving, big and bad. The better truth, however, is that you have this flawed, imperfect and secret-wolf Mom to help prepare you for what is to come.

How I wish that when you look back on these formative years, you would want to be your own big and not-so-bad wolf. Only then will I know that I’ve done my part well.


2 thoughts on “In A Nutshell

  1. this was absolutely beautiful! i’m around your daughter’s age, and i know that if my own mother’s english skills were a bit better (actually, a lot better), this is what she would say to me ^^ you sound like an amazing mum, and your daughter should be proud to have you guiding her around in this world :3

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